You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
