forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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