In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
