he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
