Im at strip club and am horny
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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