Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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