I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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