ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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