I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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