I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
