glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
