I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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