last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize