Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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