a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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