so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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