I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
