If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
