He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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