uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
