It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
