Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
