You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
