We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
