but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
