Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize