I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
