I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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