I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
