If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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