Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
