oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
