I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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