plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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