I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
