Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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