just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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