That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
