Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
