I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
