i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
