fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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