I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I need to sanitize my soul.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
