Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
