I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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