And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
