I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
