First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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