Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
