you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
