I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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