i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
