I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
