Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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