If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
