Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
