Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
