She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
