Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
