Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
