According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
