yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
