I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
