Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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