I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
