you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
