Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
