he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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