I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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