You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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