ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
