Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize