it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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