so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize