he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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