Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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