Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
