Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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