I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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