Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
