Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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