YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
