my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
