It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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